Child traveling with one parent internationally Form 2022

Karyl McBride Ph.D.The Legacy of Distorted LoveThe Narcissistic Family TreeClinical experience and research show that adult children of narcissists have a difficult time putting their finger on what is wrong, because denial is rampant in the narcissistic family system:"The typical adult from a narcissistic family is filled with unacknowledged anger, feels like a hollow person, feels inadequate and defective, suffers from periodic anxiety and depression, and has no clue about how he or she got that way."—Pressman and Pressman, The Narcissistic FamilyIt is common for adult children of narcissists to enter treatment with emotional symptoms or relationship issues, but simultaneously display a lack of awareness of the deeper etiology or cause.The narcissistic family hides profound pain.Such families tend to operate according to an unspoken set of rules. Children learn to live with those rules, but never stop being confused and pained by them, for these rules block their emotional access to their parents. They basically become invisible—neither heard, seen, or nurtured. Conversely, and tragically, this set of rules allows the parents to have no boundaries with the children and to use (or abuse) them as they see fit.The following are some common dynamics of this profoundly dysfunctional intergenerational system. (Keep in mind there are always degrees of dysfunction on a spectrum depending on the level of narcissism in the parents.)Secrets. The family secret is that the parents are not meeting the children's emotional needs, or that they are abusive in some way. This is the norm in the narcissistic family. The message to the children: "Don't tell the outside world—pretend everything is fine."Image. The narcissistic family is all about image. The message is: "We are bigger, better, have no problems, and must put on the face of perfection." Children get the messages: "What would the neighbors think?" "What would the relatives think?" What would our friends think?"These are common fears in the family: "Always put a smile on that pretty little face."Negative Messages. Children are given spoken and unspoken messages that get internalized, typically: "You're not good enough", "You don't measure up", "You are valued for what you do rather than for who you are."Lack of Parental Hierarchy. In healthy families, there is a strong parental hierarchy in which the parents are in charge and shining love, light, guidance, and direction down to the children. In narcissistic families, this hierarchy is non-existent, the children are there to serve parental needs.Lack of Emotional Tune-In. Narcissistic parents lack the ability to emotionally tune in to their kids. They cannot feel and show empathy or unconditional love. They are typically critical and judgmental.Lack of Effective Communication. The most common means of communication in narcissistic families is triangulation. Information is not direct. It is told through one party about another in hopes it will get back to the other party. Family members talk about each other to other members of the family, but don't confront each other directly. This creates passive-aggressive behavior, tension, and mistrust. When communication is direct, it is often in the form of anger or rage.Unclear Boundaries. There are few boundaries in the narcissistic family. Children's feelings are not considered important. Private diaries are read, physical boundaries are not kept, and emotional boundaries are not respected. The right to privacy is not typically a part of the family history.One Parent Narcissistic, the Other Orbiting. If one parent is narcissistic, it is common for the other parent to have to revolve around the narcissist to keep the marriage intact. Often, this other parent has redeeming qualities to offer the children, but is tied up meeting the needs of the narcissistic spouse, leaving the children's needs unmet. Who is there for them?Siblings Not Encouraged to Be Close. In healthy families, we encourage our children to be loving and close to each other. In narcissistic families, children are pitted against each other and taught competition. There is a constant comparison of who is doing better and who is not. Some are favored or seen as "the golden child," and others become the scapegoat for a parent's projected negative feelings. Siblings in narcissistic families rarely grow up feeling emotionally connected to each other.Feelings. Feelings are denied and not discussed. Children are not taught to embrace their emotions and process them in realistic ways. They are taught to stuff and repress them, and are told their feelings don't matter. Narcissistic parents are typically not in touch with their own feelings and therefore project them onto others. This causes a lack of accountability and honesty, not to mention other psychological disorders. If we don't process feelings, they do leak out in other unhealthy ways."Not Good Enough" Messages. These messages come across loud and clear in the narcissistic family. Some parents actually speak this message in various ways, others just model it to the children. Even if they display arrogant and boastful behavior, under the veneer of a narcissist is a self-loathing psyche—that gets passed to the child.Dysfunction—Obvious or Covert. In narcissist families, the dynamics can be seen or disguised. The dysfunction displayed in violent and abusive homes is usually obvious, but emotional and psychological abuse, as well as neglectful parenting, are often hidden. While the drama is not displayed as openly to the outside world, it is just as, if not, more damaging to the children.Reviewing these dynamics, one can see how this kind of family can look pretty but be decaying at the same time. If you recognize your family in this description, know that there is hope and recovery. We can't change the past, but we can take control of the now. We do not have to be defined by the wounds in our family systems. As Mark Twain defines the optimist, I see the recovering adult child: "A person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness."We can create new life that will flow through us to the future and stop the legacy of distorted love learned in the narcissistic family. If we choose recovery, we can defy intergenerational statistics.We Can! Karyl McBride Ph.D.

Asked to Answer, thanks. Under U.S. law I do know that both parents, if living, are usually required to be present when a minor applies for a passport. If one parent cannot be present for some reason when the application is tendered, there is a special form from the Department of State which the non-present parent can submit as authorization, and requires notarization to be binding. All of this is just to say that a non-traveling (more to the point, a non-custodial) parent has to have some implicit awareness that the other parent is intending to embark on foreign travel with the child. Beyond this passport requirement, I do not know what other authorizations would be required in order for a child to travel with only one parent.

I found out my father was gay through an online chat about 2 months ago, we have this online chat in our country and a lot of people use it for hookups, one night I was there and there was this person using his name, I inquired them about their location and asked a lot of questions, it turned out that person was actually him. He didn't know it was me though, so I left the chat aftet a while and I came back later, he was still there. He started hitting on guys and saying things I don't think are appropriate to put here.How did I feel about it? He has always been a jerk to me and my mother. Always cheating, beating her, manipulating me, disappearing, wasting my mother's money on drugs. And funny enough, he has always been kind of an homophobic, I remember one time being at a local park with him and there were two guys holding hands. He told me they were gonna burn in hell. It has always annoyed me because I hate people like that. It didn't have any impact on me when I found out he was gay, I just thought the things he wrote were kinda funny.He didn't come out, I figured it out myself and it didn't change my life or anything. I'm bisexual myself and I'm happy for him despite him not being the best father.

Be gentle. Talk to them as though they and they alone are in your presence. I feel they need to know that you are there for them. It’s a lonely world when you constantly think differently than others. Be THAT person for your child. Steady, slow, and constant. Ask is they understand you and be patient either they will or they won’t and you will observe that you need to work in a different way so they CAN understand. Your child isn’t LESS, they are just different. Build their confidence in a different way than your other children. It’s probably more work, but you’ll get more rewards for your work. I promise.

When I was a high-rolling software consultant back in the mid-1980’s, I used to spend my Sundays working on my car, my motorcycle, my friends• cars, old cars that I’d buy to fix up• I had bought out the tools from a garage going out of business near me, so I had a fairly fully equipped shop at home, and my friends would join me • we’d putter around for a few hours and usually end up with beer and a pizza and maybe a movie on the VCR or LaserDisc. Naturally, it was a dress down day, and I had a greasy, torn set of overalls that I would wear over an old T-shirt - my 3-piece suits were strictly for use on Wall Street during the week, of course.Anyway, one Sunday my friends mentioned that the new Ford Probe was supposed to be coming out and that there was going to be a limited release trial. (I think he saw it as a rumor on some Ford BBS, or alt.ford.something-or-other on Usenet or similar.) So I decided that I wanted to be the first one on my block, etc., etc., and I jumped in this Datsun beater that I’d just got running, and drove over to the big Ford dealership on the highway nearby. I’d probably used Goop to clean my hands a bit, but I was still all greasy and dirty from tuning up the motor and fixing the Datsun’s brakes.I guess I should also mention that I started working as a computer consultant at age 16, after graduating high school at 15, and at this time I was 21 or 22, definitely not over 23 - I was a kid in a greasy old mechanic’s outfit.Of course, I couldn't get the time of day from most of the salesmen, only some of whom were busy with customers, and when I asked to speak to the manager I was told that he was also “busy.” One salesman overheard this, though, as he was coming out of the back room, and he came over to speak with me. I must add—not parenthetically as will be seen later• that he was the only African-American salesman in the showroom, and seemed to be the only black in what was otherwise a lily-white, suburban New Jersey establishment. He wore a brown 3-piece and an over-tight necktie, and he was sweating profusely in the summer heat, but he spoke nicely to me.I told him that I’d heard that the new Probe would be in a limited trial, and asked if his dealership would be able to get one. He acknowledged the rumor, seemed surprised when I confirmed that I didn't want a used car, and said that he would check. It took some time in the back room, and I suspect that he was being given a similar runaround by the haughty manager, but eventually he returned and allowed that they probably could get one, but that they would need a “substantial” cash deposit before trying to place the order, and that they wouldn't guarantee that they could get it, or the precise combination of model and color even if they could. I accepted that, and asked him how “substantial” the deposit must be. He seemed embarrassed, and told me that he guessed that I would need to bring in $5,000. I said fine, and told him that I wanted the GT Turbo model, and asked what colors it came in, and what other options I could order. He told me that he didn't know, and was hesitant to find out, but I pressed him a bit, and he went into the back to find out the details. At one point, he came to the door of the back room, looked at me, and mouthed “Five thousand?” with a query on his face. I nodded my head, and waved my hand to say “No problem.”Eventually he came back with a brochure, and as he walked out to me I could see that one of the other salesmen made some comment I couldn't hear, but caused my fellow to stiffen up with an embarrassed expression on his face. We spent a few minutes talking about options, and he took down the details of what I wanted, and I left, after taking down his name.The next morning, on my way to my Wall Street job, (after having phoned in to warn them I’d be late,) I stopped at the bank and then went to the dealership. As I was in my custom-fitted suit, several salesmen vied for my attention. When I asked for “my” salesman of yesterday, they took on a pained expression. One of them sneered, “Him? But he’s a n….” Another one, quicker on the uptake, noticed the frown that was forming on my face at what was obviously going to be a racial epithet, and elbowed the racist oaf, cutting him off, and smarmingly suggested, “He’s out at the moment. Perhaps I could help you?”I thanked them, plunked myself down in a chair, and told them that I would wait for him. It took a good five or ten minutes, during which probably every other (Caucasian) salesman in the store tried to offer himself as a substitute, and which to each one I would respond that I was waiting for the one gentlemen (I wish I could remember his name, but it was 30 years ago!) until eventually he bustled in with a box of pastries and coffees and started handing each salesman’s breakfast order to him with a smile, until they convinced him to drop the donuts and walk over to me. Clearly he was low man on the totem pole, and the other salesmen were using him, and thought him fit only to peddle trade-ins to poor people and run his betters• errands.He walked over to me and politely asked, “How may I help you, sir?” He didn't recognize me any more than the other salesmen had.I opened up my attaché case and handed him a cashier’s check for $5,000, and dropped a business card. “I’d like you to order that Probe Turbo for me.”His jaw dropped. “Who…? That was YOU yesterday?” I assured him that it was indeed the same me as the day before, told him I was in a rush, and asked him if he could fax any additional paperwork to me in the City. He stammered that he could and he would, and then I reached forward, grabbed his hand and gave him a hearty handshake, while smiling nastily at the other, shocked salesmen, who seemed as surprised to see a white man shaking a black man’s hand as they were to see their “errand boy” waving a cashier’s check, which he joyously did as I walked away.I eventually got my Probe GT, and was invited to the press party at the World Trade Center when it was formally “launched,” and had lots of fun with it. But I also derived immense pleasure from the handful of times that I pulled up at the dealership on a Sunday afternoon and took “my” salesman on a joyride in the Probe, including the time I let him open it up on the NJ Turnpike, and most especially the envious looks of his fellow salesmen that I would take him out.

This depends on the age of the children, the laws of the countries being departed from and entered, and any rules the airlines themselves have.The Philippines for example has extremely strict laws about children flying alone.In short, you shouldn’t be asking strangers online - you should be contacting your airline.

There is no single answer to that. Just like a seed will not know what is it like being a tree, similarly a tree won`t remember what was it like being a tiny seed ages back. But we believe there are some ways to bridge the gap though:Stories: They are possibly the best way to keep the young ones aroused to know more about you during your younger days. Stories of friendships, heartbreaks, bunked classes, pranks, games you played, music you listened to and places you visited will fill your kids with wonder and will let them know you as kids and not as strict and admonishing parents. Hearing stories of your kids at play, school or college helps them to articulate their experiences and connect with you deeply.Vacations/Trips: Spending time together as a unit improves bonding and creates memories for a lifetime. The planning, organising, packing, travelling and spending some days as a group together improves your understanding about each other and gives you space to notice the similarities and dissimilarities in you and your children.Pray: Spending some time to pray together or scheduling a prayer at the start of a meal helps you to connect on a common ground besides the mundane. Connecting with a common divine source helps you to acknowledge and appreciate the differences in nature and the passing of time.We at YouCare believe that a family that eats together, stays together. With the right caretakers for your loved ones, you can now enjoy your time with your family without worries. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter to know more.

I agree with the last answer. Severe mental illness which will probably result in extreme shyness and a fear of meeting anyone new, or perhaps even speaking to a cashier.The child will almost certainly contemplate suicide innumerable times and may likely kill themselves.If you are in a bad situation like you’ve described, do not have children - or get away with your child ASAP.